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搞笑合集,全网最绝的打电话向女神表白,这骚操作让人不得不服.

2026-02-04 06:22:16

搞笑合集,全网最绝的打电话向女神表白,这骚操作让人不得不服.

笑话1，昨天，我鼓起勇气，打电话向女神表白，女神她居然被拒绝了。其实我觉得吧，如果她不喜欢我，请直接告诉我，没必要撒谎骗我说我长得丑啊。这样真的太打击人了。

笑话2，今天，老妈在蛋糕店准备买点黏糕吃，先让我尝一口，我说：我不喜欢吃这种东西！结果老妈感到很意外，她用异样的眼光打量着我，笑着说道：十多年来，我终于找到了你不喜欢吃的东西。老板来五斤。一听到这，不带这样说人家是吃货的。

笑话3，我妈连炒了几顿苦瓜，我爸不太爱吃苦瓜，于是在家教我2岁半的外甥唱歌：葫芦娃葫芦娃，一天到晚吃苦瓜。小外甥从早到晚的唱，我妈受不了了，不炒苦瓜了。真心佩服老爸的机智。

笑话4，第一次去女友家，吃饭的时候，我想活跃下气氛就准备讲个笑话，她爸很严厉的说：“我家有个规矩，吃饭的时候不能说话。”后来去多了，熟了，每次吃饭的时候，她爸都要听我讲笑话。女友小声的问她爸：“你忘了咱家的规矩？”她爸也小声的说：“这货吃饭也太快了，不让他说话咱都没菜吃了。”

笑话5，小李到自动柜员机上取钱，取一万居然吐了两万。小李看看监控，从中数了一万放进包里，把剩下的留在机柜上就走了。可没想到，半个月后，小李接到了银行的电话，说他拿了银行的钱，要告他。小李满不在乎地说：“我今年刚通过司法考试，你们的钱我没拿，也没义务替你们保管！”对方沉默了一会儿，说：“你拿走的是我们银行的一万，留下来的一万才是你的。”

笑话6，搞不懂方便面蔬菜包里为什么会有枸杞？我都吃方便面了还要养生吗？关于生活，一开始你会找很多借口，后来发现找借口也越来越难。活到最后只剩一句：“对啊，我就是个废物，怎样？”

笑话7，从来不上夜班的我，竟然被安排今晚值夜班了，我问领导：“为嘛把我安排到夜班了？”领导：“高层领导明个来检查，白班要留几个颜值高点的。”一听到这，我顿时无语了。

笑话8，从小就梦想有一台自己的架子鼓，有一只自己的乐队，每天到处演出。现在我的愿望终于实现了：有自己的架子鼓，自己的乐队。不说了，前村的王老头不行了，我要去接业务了。

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CONNECT:[ UseTime:0.001058s ] mysql:host=127.0.0.1;port=3306;dbname=ixiutu;charset=utf8mb4
SHOW FULL COLUMNS FROM `fenlei` [ RunTime:0.001538s ]
SELECT * FROM `fenlei` WHERE `fid` = 0 [ RunTime:0.005693s ]
SELECT * FROM `fenlei` WHERE `fid` = 3 [ RunTime:0.003396s ]
SHOW FULL COLUMNS FROM `search` [ RunTime:0.001351s ]
SELECT * FROM `search` ORDER BY `cishu` DESC LIMIT 100 [ RunTime:0.003397s ]
SHOW FULL COLUMNS FROM `article` [ RunTime:0.001452s ]
SELECT * FROM `article` WHERE `id` = 488746 LIMIT 1 [ RunTime:0.010120s ]
UPDATE `article` SET `lasttime` = 1770375363 WHERE `id` = 488746 [ RunTime:0.006785s ]
SELECT * FROM `fenlei` WHERE `id` = 13 LIMIT 1 [ RunTime:0.000699s ]
SELECT * FROM `article` WHERE `id` < 488746 ORDER BY `id` DESC LIMIT 1 [ RunTime:0.002041s ]
SELECT * FROM `article` WHERE `id` > 488746 ORDER BY `id` ASC LIMIT 1 [ RunTime:0.002511s ]
SELECT * FROM `article` WHERE `id` < 488746 ORDER BY `id` DESC LIMIT 10 [ RunTime:0.024593s ]
SELECT * FROM `article` WHERE `id` < 488746 ORDER BY `id` DESC LIMIT 10,10 [ RunTime:0.007953s ]
SELECT * FROM `article` WHERE `id` < 488746 ORDER BY `id` DESC LIMIT 20,10 [ RunTime:0.019756s ]

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